What is an alphahole?

For many years, I never read a romance book. When I did, I had a few years of never encountering what many call an alphahole. Then I met many of these so-called alpha heroes. To me, these alphaholes aren't truly alphas. They're toxic, as in toxic masculine.

Here's a definition of toxic masculinity from an article written by Alia E. Dastagir. "[T]oxic masculinity, the stereotypical sense of masculinity that embodies behaviors, such as denying help or emotions, which psychologists and sociologists say are harmful to men and to society. It's the things in our culture — from toys given to movies watched to messages parents consciously and unconsciously send — that tells boys and men 'being a real man' means repressing feelings and consistently demonstrating strength and dominance." 

So for purposes of this blog, I'd like to call heroes who are toxic with their masculinity simply toxic or toxic masculine. I feel calling these kinds of heroes alpha gives the word alpha a bad meaning. 

But what do you think?

The Hero and Heroine’s Journey: More Plotting for the Feminist Romance Author

The year was 19-something or another—I’m not tempted to date myself too much here—and that was the first I head of Joseph Campbell and his books regarding myths. Ever since I was a little girl, I’d been fascinated by fairy tales and other myths. I will date myself quite a bit here, but when I was little, Disney hadn’t remade many of the tales in their image, except for three. So I’d been reading the “real” myths that were full of dark forests, conniving and mischievous tricksters, violence, neglect, abandonment, and death. So much death.  

I was in college when I’d heard Campbell’s name and then devoured Bill Moyer’s video series featuring Campbell. I bought book after book. Sadly, I always came away a little empty after reading Campbell. Then I found Women Who Run with the Wolves by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés. Finally, my heart felt full. And free. (I’ll get to the Wolves book later. :)) 

Don’t get me wrong. I love Campbell and his work. Further, I know he studied goddesses and myths regarding females later in his life. But I still feel a little flat when I read his work. And I feel the need to argue, though I’m not sure why I even feel that way. That’s probably why, when reading through Christopher Vogler’s work, I also feel a little flat and want to pick a fight with him. (By the way, picking a fight for me is often a silly and humorous debate, not actual fighting-fighting. No yelling. But lots of squinting, thinking, and laughing.)

I’ve heard that Campbell, when asked if women had a version of the hero’s journey, said they were the reward for the journey. I’m not sure if this is true, and it doesn’t exactly sound like his style. And thanks to recent movies, it’s obvious that Vogler’s touch has helped many a female character have her own hero’s journey—The Last Jedi, Wonder Woman, etc. So it’s not because I didn’t think them feminist enough that led me to feel like they were missing something within their texts.  

It wasn’t until I heard an audio taping with Michael Hauge and Christopher Vogler that I finally got it. Hauge argues with Vogler about the inner journey, which Vogler does talk about in his book and many of his seminars, to be fair. But it’s Hauge that ties up the hero’s inner journey succinctly: essence versus identity. The hero’s journey is always about figuring out one’s essence versus one’s identity. The identity is the safety blanket all of us have—our jobs, what we think we are versus who we are underneath our ego. Essence is all about the very ineffable parts of you that make you you. (Lots of yous in that sentence. I apologize.)  

When I first started writing romance, I had a hard time with the terms hero and heroine. It sounded so differential, dividing, and, well, not deserving of love, which unites people. I’ve since started calling the main female character the heroine and the main male character the hero, though I prefer protagonists. Do I think there needs to be a hero’s journey versus a heroine’s journey? 

No. I don’t. I think both the hero and heroine are fighting themselves, the plot, and sometimes each other with the internal quest to find their respective essence versus identity. I think Campbell and Vogler and Maureen Murdock when composing the heroine’s journey are thoughtful, and we can learn a lot about plot and story structure from all of them. But story structure doesn’t amount to much when the “real” story isn’t told—essence versus identity, which in a romance equates to truly loving and being truly loved in return. 

What can I do?

Nearly half of ALL murdered women are killed by romantic partners.

Nearly three women in the US are killed every day by intimate partners.

If you survive domestic abuse (and besides physical abuse, included should be emotional, verbal, and/or sexual abuse), it could take years to manage the residual effects, which can include anxiety, depression, suicide ideation, PTSD, eating disorders, etc. That's not because a woman is weak that it takes years to deal with the abuse. It's because she's strong that she's trying to deal in the first place.

Domestic abuse, all kinds, has a long history. But in the US it's a crime. Yet it's still underreported, and we well know it's still very much not taken seriously. Police procedures are changing, but there are many police and sheriff squads all over the country that practice non-intervention. Yep, in 2018, there are law enforcers who look the other way when a woman is hurt (or when a child is hurt). The military not reporting many dishonorably discharged soldiers who have domestic abuse records may be a sign of just how not seriously domestic abuse is still taken.

I'm confused about why this is. In 2018, will things change enough that domestic abuse is taken seriously? And what can I do to make it so?